Archive for March, 2008

Did you Hear the One About the Funny Quiz That Was Walking Past a Graveyard?

Sunday, March 30th, 2008
boss jokes
Brian asked:


Q. My company publishes a monthly employee newsletter. My boss asked me to write a funny quiz. I’m not exactly a stand-up comic. Help!

A. Ah, the funny quiz. Lucky you! It’s not often that a company has an official sense of humor that they are willing to display for all to read. This is going to be a great assignment for you!

A funny quiz is typically one where the questions and answers have no real purpose other than to make the quiz taker laugh. Although almost anything goes, there are some taboo subjects. Off hand I’d say that anything that pokes fun at a specific person, or groups of people, as well as anything that’s anti-semitic, racial, sexual, political, or religious should be off limits. Remember, what one person thinks is funny can offend someone else. Even seemingly innocuous subjects like “hillbilly” or “redneck” jokes might not be funny to someone who lives in the mountains or the deep South (like I do).

You can think of a funny quiz as a series of one-liners with multiple-choice punch lines. Because you are writing for a company publication you have a built-in “affinity group” as there is bound to be some common subjects that are company related and could be made into something funny.

For example, if you work for a software development company then you might have a question that asks:

What’s longer: A CEO’s week or a programmer’s week?

If you’re not laughing then you have never had a programmer tell you that the project will be ready in a week.

You need to walk a fine line even when using subjects like this in your funny quiz. Say that your company just posted a 4th quarter loss because a new software product missed its launch date by a “programmer’s week”. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to determine that you are about to tick off a lot of people if you add that question to your funny quiz.

Try to avoid wornout jokes or cliches. A funny quiz should be funny, not lame. For example, still on the software train of thought, a question like…

Q. How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? A. None. They don’t do hardware.

…is older than the mystery meat in that Tupperware container in the back of the lunchroom refrigerator. No one is going to laugh at that one. No laughing = not a funny quiz!

The best thing to do is to keep an eye out for humorous, safe things to poke fun at and then write a funny quiz question. My advice is to start right now and don’t wait until one hour before deadline. The only thing that’s less funny than a lame funny quiz is no funny quiz at all!



Lois

Tags: , ,
Posted in Careers | No Comments »

I charged my boss with sexual harassment. 2 of the coworkers are my witnesses now they are scared. Advice?

Saturday, March 29th, 2008
boss jokes
elisa asked:


After each incident which was usually by ourself I would tell someone and occasionally someone would hear him say nasty things and they would tell me to go to higher management but I was scared I would lose my job because my boss was going to set up someone in my office to be fired and if he knew that I said anything he would retaliate. Now the employees are on the boss’ side because they are scared that they will lose their job. I don’t want to quit because I love my job and I did nothing wrong. I documented everything and gave it to the owner, and my boss got a slap on the wrist and I moved down the hall and now they are trying to push me out so that is why I went forward to get a lawyer. My boss is saying we all joked around but I was flirtacious. No way, I treated everyone with respect.

Roy

Tags: , ,
Posted in Law & Ethics | No Comments »

How to Disappear. Alcatraz Style

Thursday, March 27th, 2008
boss jokes
Frank M. Ahearn asked:


How to Disappear… Alcatraz Style

Those of you who recognize my name know that I am a skip tracer, one who finds people; however, more interesting, I teach people how to disappear. About a year ago, I met up with some famed Hollywood Producers about creating a show about me finding people who have disappeared - titled Missing.

The producers were interested in doing cases where it was possible the missing people maybe alive. Like Whitey Bulger leader of the Winter Hill Gang, DB Cooper skyjacker and bank robber, Lord Lucan British high society and suspected murderer, Moana Pozzi Italian porn star. Out all the cases that were kicked around they were interested in brothers Clarence & JW Anglin the famed escape from Alcatraz, made popular by Clint Eastwood in his portrayal of Frank Lee Morris one of the escapees.

My attitude was negative I figured there is no way the Anglins or Morris made it out the dark waters with their makeshift rafts, boy was I wrong. Therefore, the journey of locating the Anglin brothers begins, I started my search by locating family.

The Anglin name is somewhat of a common southern name, most searches on line brought me to IMDB.com the movie site that linked the movie Escape from Alcatraz. I located an old book written titled Riddle of the Rock by Don Denevi, an interesting book that discusses the escape in detail - unlike the movie that simplified the break out.

The theory is that Bumpy Johnson a notorious Harlem mob boss assisted in the escape by having a boat out in the bay waiting for the escapees. However when I did my research on Bumpy Johnson he had no power left and no money to finance such a feat. In addition, the environment on the rock was hostile, amongst the different ethnic groups, though some believe that the escape plan united the groups and kept it a secret from the guards.

The vital hope amongst the prisoners was that if the escapees made it out alive, they perhaps would shine light on the horrible conditions in Alcatraz. The big house was filled with small cells, no exercise and high carbohydrate diets to keep the inmates lazy although the Warden allowed painting on canvas.

After days of spinning my skip tracing wheels, I was unsuccessful in locating any of the Anglin family members. Sometimes when one skip traces the simple things are forgotten. I finally hit www.ancestry.com and start posting that I am a writer searching for Anglin family members. A few days later, I get an email from a woman who knows the oldest brother and patriarch of the family. I will refer to him as Man a family nickname.

I dial Man’s cell phone number and an easy southern voice answers. I tell him my story that I am working with some producers who want to do a TV show about his brothers. Of course, I leave out the part that we are looking to capture them. Man agrees to meet me at a nearby Arby’s restaurant the following day.

The next day I arrive at the Arby’s restaurant about forty minutes early, checking out the scene. I wasn’t sure what to expect from Man or other family members. When you’re a skip tracer being paranoid at times is your best tool. The paranoia can keep you one-step ahead. After assessing that, all was cool I walk in a sit down, shortly after walks in the kindest looking person I ever met, Man brother to JW and Clarence.

As Man was sitting down, he asked if I was going to make him rich and famous, I laughed. Although Man was not joking, he told me how the media pretty much used him and spit him out. He told me everyone else made money off his brother’s infamy but the Anglin family never received a dime from books, TV shows and movies made. My answer was simple, how bout we start with a cup of coffee I am buying. Man smiled, he preferred bottle water.

I wanted to know about the brothers, how they found themselves in a place like Alcatraz. Clarence and JW robbed a bank in Alabama, what most people do not realize is a third brother was with them and the supposed ringleader Alfred Anglin. Man told me that Alfred was always in trouble and prior to the bank robbery in Alabama Alfred was on the lamb for several years living in the middle of Florida working a farm picking fruit and vegetables.

While hiding out in Florida Alfred fell in love with a sixteen-year-old beauty named Jeanette. Like Romeo and Juliet it was a forbidden love, the couple crossed the state line and married.

Not far from the Arby’s restaurant is a small graveyard with Alfred’s headstone and an old photo of Alfred and Jeanette announcing their marriage for all to see, quite brazen for a man on the run. That was just the way Alfred was, he feared nothing and wanted to give his new bride more in life so he devised a plan.

While Alfred was picking fruit under the hot Florida sun, Clarence was working a road gang somewhere around Ft. Meyers. Turns out Clarence’s mother Rachel and another of her sons’ went to visit Clarence in the jail. Clarence told them not to come next week that he would be visiting them at home. The mother and brother shrugged it off to Clarence’s usual banter.

The following week, Clarence true to his word escaped the road gang with two other prisoners. Clarence was barefoot and made his way up the Gulf Coast, wading and swimming for more than sixty miles.

Man told me that Clarence and JW were thick as thieves and since childhood, they had a unique way of communicating between each other, secret destination to meet up at, phone calls with certain amount of hang-ups determined locations. JW received such a message and met up with Clarence when he escaped the Florida road gang and took him to stay with Alfred on the farm. Farm life was no life for Clarence, he had a tough edge to him and preferred easy money for the day as opposed to a weekly paycheck also picking fruit never paid that much.

The plan, Man told me that originally, Clarence and Alfred were going to rob the bank in Alabama, and originally JW wanted no part of the crime. JW was a ladies man, sharp dressed and loved fast cars. A fast car was needed for the bank robbery, JW refused to lend his car and eventually decided that he would go along and drive the getaway car. What the brothers did not know was Alabama supposedly still had the death penalty for bank robbery.

My meetings with Man became weekly, more like a Tuesday with Morrie but in an Arby’s sipping bad coffee and him the usual water. Man was always cautious about how he answered my questions; in his late seventies, he was sharp. One time he was bold and told me he had to watch what he said, he didn’t want to get in any type of trouble. Not sure, what he meant I pushed on, but his big southern smile always brought the conversation to another topic.

In another meeting with Man, he implied that I might be a US Marshal trying to capture his brothers and wanted to know if I was wired. I told him I was not, he asked me to take off my shirt and prove it to him. That afternoon in the Arby’s I stood and took off my shirt as the patrons looked at me as if I was crazy. Man, pulled out a business card of a US Marshal, forty years after the escape the US Marshals actually approached Man and asked him to take a polygraph test. They picked him up from his small lot where several trailers housed Man and a few siblings. The Marshal drove him to an office asked him thirteen questions, drove him back home and never discussed the results of the test.

The bank robbery, JW drives his brother up to the bank door. Clarence and Alfred enter the bank a toy gun is used a woman near faints. The two brothers stop the robbery and give her a glass of water - about 19k is stolen. Eventually the brothers are apprehended in Ohio. Less than 600 were spent from the loot. All three brothers were found guilty. Alfred was sent back to Atlanta since he owed the state time for his prior escape. JW and Clarence went to Leavenworth and eventually Alcatraz because of a foiled escape.

Fast forward Alcatraz June 11, 1962 Allen West the mastermind behind the Alcatraz escape is unable to exit his cell, JW, Clarence and Frank Lee Morris escape into the dark waters supposedly never to be seen again.

After the escape, Man told me that he was visiting Alfred in the penitentiary and in the prison bathroom Alfred said he received a message from Clarence and that he knew where the brothers were holed up and he was going to break out and meet up with the pair. Alfred true to his words attempted to escape prison only to be killed by electrocution.

Long after the Alcatraz, escape there have been several sightings and assumed correspondence from JW and Clarence. The smoking gun by Hollywood standards would be a postcard that arrived one day from Brazil, written in Clarence’s writing. Every year on the mother’s birthday, she received two dozen red roses with unsigned cards. The roses stop upon her death.

At times Man would open up and bring me closer to a world he shared with no one, not even his own siblings. They joke about if anyone knew the whereabouts, Man would know. I asked to see the postcard from Brazil, however, a week later Man told me the card is gone no one can find it. I offered him twenty thousand dollars just to look at the mysterious correspondence. Man smiled and again in that polite southern voice - it was misplaced.

Some years ago, Unsolved Mysteries did a segment about the Anglin brothers; I had the good fortune of meeting the Director of that segment who was now one of the producers I was working with. We flew together to meet up with the US Marshal that worked the tips from Unsolved Mysteries.

1. A woman called in claiming to have met Clarence Anglin after the escape at a barbecue. She claimed he was with a teen girl named Rachel, strangely enough that was the name of the Anglins mothers. The woman claimed that she also visited the home of Clarence in Georgia and mentioned particular features about Clarence that only would have been recognized in person.

2. In the same area of Georgia, a bank was robbed and the MO was similar to the Anglin bank robbery in Alabama. What is so interesting is the Georgia bank robbery is in the same town where the Anglins hail from. Mike the producer told me when he was shooting the Unsolved Mysteries segment he had the wanted posters of Clarence and JW faxed to a hotel managers office, the manager remarked that the faces looked like the guy who robbed the bank a few years back in Georgia.

3. The US Marshal met with another woman who claimed she was on her father’s ranch in Texas when several men showed up who were assisting a man being smuggled into Mexico. Her father claimed it was one of the Anglin brothers.

4. We learned that only a few years back the US Marshals received a tip that one of the Anglin brothers was in Brazil. The US Marshals went down to Brazil and got a confirmation from a local bartender that one of the brothers was there. Eventually the trail went cold.

Mike and I eventually made our way to meet Man but first stopped in a local diner. We started talking with a few locals, one specifically who knew the family well. He told us what most people do not know is that one of the Anglin siblings was out in California during the escape and not far from the rock - information not in the FBI file.

The FBI file is an interesting piece of work, the attitude is summed up that most likely the trio drowned in the bay. Across the bay was a community of people known as the colony, these were family members of inmates locked up in Alcatraz. There is no record of the FBI ever speaking to members of the colony.

We picked Man up and he gave us a grand tour of where the Anglins grew up, from back woods swimming holes, to back roads where JW raced his Thunderbird. Man told stories of JW being a ladies man, dressing like a fancy preacher, Clarence being tough as nail and Alfred, well Alfred was just destined for trouble. Mike and I were hoping to get that smoking gun it never came.

Either way Hollywood passed on my show titled Missing, to them there was no smoking gun. The secret of Clarence and JW still hide behind the kind smile of a gentle man named Man. Through my search, I learned of things that are best left unsaid, things that imply or point to the strong possibilities of life after Alcatraz for JW and Clarence.

To me it was a great experience to dive so deep in the world of such a mystery - that will never be solved or at least not yet! That was the last time I saw Man and that’s how you disappear Alcatraz style.

Frank M. Ahearn

www.disappear.info



William

Tags: , ,
Posted in Non Fiction | No Comments »

rock song (and roll) regarding hatred or revenge against boss?

Monday, March 10th, 2008
boss jokes
Polythene Pam asked:


OK, I need this pretty quick. I like rock, humor, I don’t want to offend anybody with gay/fat jokes, but my boss is a twa#, set me up and will probably fire me tomorrow. She doesn’t know quite yet that I do have an arsenal against her, I just want to vent with a good song but not anything too far out of rock/country/pop/hard rock
Great answers guys! I didn’t think of any of those, only “everything about you” and “little miss can’t be wrong” But the “hate” guy hates life in general, and the “little Miss” song isn’t appropriate for a not so little miss. It’s 5am, I’m gonna sleep on this one…
Also, it may be appropriate to mention that she has relentlessly persued me since the get-go…

Michael

Tags: , ,
Posted in Rock and Pop | 8 Comments »

Why I Look Like Tom Cruise

Monday, March 10th, 2008
boss jokes
Bo Sanchez asked:


I get interviewed a lot.

Perhaps once a week, I get interviewed (No joke).

My problem is that I get asked the same questions over and over again.

So just to break the monotony, I give them the silliest answers.

Let me share with you one interview today.

Despite the jokes, I’m sure you’ll pick up something for your own personal growth. Here it is…

Q: Brother Bo, we’re going to ask you some very basic questions.

Bo: No problem. You wouldn’t know if my answers would be correct anyway, right?

Q: (Laughs) When and where were you born?

Bo: July 11, 1966 in Caloocan City. Or was that 1976? Let me show you my baby photo. (See below.) At least, that’s what my mother said when she gave me this photo. But because the creature in the photo looks like a miniaturized sumo wrestler, I’m wondering if it was really me. What do you think?

Do you see a neck? Nada. Zero. Zilch.

Q: Who are your parents?

Bo: Eugenio and Pilar Sanchez. The most fantastic human beings on the planet.

Q: We read somewhere that they have a great love story. How did they meet?

Bo: Mom was a pretty 19 year old girl when she met Dad. She was applying for work in his office. Dad, 6 years older than her, liked what he saw and, take note, secretly gave her the answers to the entrance exam—just so that she would pass! He then hired her on the spot and asked for his first date. This may scandalize you, but three months later, Mom and Dad got married. Obviously, they never told me this shocking piece of information until I was 31 years old—when I was far and safe from the impulsiveness of teenage romance.

Q: What was their religious background?

Bo: Catholic. Do you know what was their first date?

Q: What?

Bo: Morning Mass. And from that day on, they never stopped going to daily Mass for the rest of their lives. Before Dad died last year, they celebrated 63 years of wedded bliss.

Q: Where did you go to School?

Bo: I switched schools like I switched shirts. I started in Stella Maris, jumped to San Carlos Boys, hopped to St. Josephs, switched to Claret High School, and finally landed in the Ateneo. Yes, I never got a Loyalty Award.

Q: What was your course in college?

Bo: AB Philosophy.

Q: Did you take up Masters?

Bo: I took up my Masters in Theology but never did my thesis. I was just too busy with my ministry. My purpose wasn’t to get a degree. I just wanted to learn more.

Q: Where did you work?

Bo: In a normal job and normal company? Never. I’m now 41 and I’ve never had a Boss in my entire life. Ever since high school, I was already serving in ministry. And when I was in college, I was already working “full-time” in the ministry of the Lord. I founded 4 non-profit organizations and I’ve always been the leader. I guess I’m just lazy and I don’t want to work for anyone.

Q. Why did you become a preacher?

Bo: I had a spiritual conversion at age 12. I experienced God’s love in such a real and intimate way. And I wanted to do two things. First, the force of that love overwhelmed me and I wanted to love Him back. Second, I wanted to live a life of significance. I wanted my life to have eternal meaning. And so I had this desire to serve God by preaching. Would you believe, as a 13-year-old kid, I would imagine myself standing before 30,000 people in Araneta Coliseum, holding a bible and a microphone, preaching God’s Word.

Q. Did that happen?

Bo: I gave my first talk in the Araneta Coliseum at age 16. That was a miracle. Let me prove it to you: Here’s my passport photo when I was 16. Would you have listened to that… uh, alien?

The Creature.

Q. Was there a particular event in your life that caused you to become a preacher?

Bo: At age 13, Aida, our prayer group leader prophesied that I would receive the gift of wisdom and that I would preach. So she asked me to give a talk that following Friday prayer meeting. So at age 13, I preached my first talk and never stopped ever since. I owe my ministry to that woman, Aida. She believed in me. She saw something in me that others—even I—didn’t see in me. And all through the years, I’ve been trying to be an Aida in other people’s lives. I raise people up and release them to the world. It’s been fun.

Q. We have noticed that you talk about a broad range of topics. Do you have favorite topics now?

Bo: After almost 30 years of preaching, my favorite topics now are about building people’s self-esteem, teaching people to see themselves the way God sees them, and helping them to dream again. For me to do that, I have to change their distorted images of God and of themselves. Another favorite topic right now is helping people raise their financial literacy and teaching them the right theology and psychology towards money. Can I plug?

Q. Yes, please!

Bo: I don’t know if there are still empty seats available, but I’ll announce this anyway. I’ll be giving my life-changing How To Be Truly Rich Seminar this April 5, 2008, from 8:30am to 12noon. I love giving this seminar because it really changes the financial lives of people. How? By changing their psychology and theology towards money. I’ve always believed that money problems are mind problems. So by changing their mind towards money, their money life will change as well. To find out if there are still empty seats available, they can email beaconlightevents@gmail.com right away. (Note from Bo: You can also read my P.S. at the bottom of this blog.)

Q. Why do you use various media? You seem to use everything. You use television and radio and books and magazines and the internet…

Bo: Media is powerful. It multiplies my reach. I think if Jesus were alive today, He’d use the internet too. Can I make another shameless plug? In the internet, I’ve created an international, borderless, non-physical community of people who want to grow in their personal life. I supply them with a mountain load of spiritual nourishment—like daily Bible reflections, monthly magazines, etc… All they have to do is log on at www.kerygmafamily.com. It’s FREE.

Q. You’re both a Preacher of God and also a Motivational or Inspirational Speaker. Is there a conflict?

Bo: Truth is universal. So I give one message. But yes, I’m a preacher in our prayer meetings because I can more openly talk about my sources—the Bible and our faith tradition. And I’m an inspirational speaker in my corporate seminars where I source my message from history, secular authors, social sciences, etc. But the message remains the same because the simplest truth that changes lives is universal.

Q. Why do you think thousands of people admire you?

Bo: Because I look like Tom Cruise. You don’t believe me? Our intestines, kidneys, and spleen really look alike. Okay seriously now. Gee, I’ll be guessing here. Three things. First, perhaps because I try to be honest with my failures and weaknesses. I don’t hide them. People know my sins. So perhaps they see themselves in me. Second, perhaps because I try to speak their language. I speak simply. I don’t try to impress people with my knowledge. Finally, perhaps because I speak what matters to them, their most pressing needs. Because I want to help them where they hurt the most. Aside from those three things, I really think it’s the Tom Cruise thing.

Q. How do you attain your own goals?

Bo: I start small. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Second, I bring together a dream team around me. I don’t go into a project without a fantastic group of people who will assist me in that project. Third, I keep at it. I keep positive. I keep faith. I keep focused. I believe that when a man is focused on his dreams with passion, he becomes a blessing-magnet. He doesn’t even have to look for them. Every blessing that he needs to fulfill his dreams will come to him. He will find blessings rolling down at his feet, begging that he receives them.

Q. We heard that you don’t send your kids to school. Instead, you homeschool them. Why such a radical decision?

Bo: It was a difficult decision. But after 4 years of homeschooling our kids, we see the fruits. We’ve been able to form the values in our kids. We enjoy a very strong relationship with them. To get my complete answer, log on at www.catholicfilipinoacademy.com In that site, you’ll also know the 16 reasons why we homeschool our kids.

Q. How is your relationship with God?

Bo: Alive. Intimate. Happy. Fun. Real. Honest. Worldly. I experience Him in the most secular moments of my life.

Q. You seem to be a very different kind of Preacher. You don’t only preach. You want to help the poor. You want to change the world. Why?

Bo: I began to understand that essence of Christianity. It is love. I’ll say something that will shock the daylights out of you. I believe that Salvation isn’t about going to Heaven. I believe Salvation is about bringing Heaven down on earth, especially to those who are suffering the most—the poor, the sick, the abandoned, and the spiritually lost. My faith is meaningless—my prayer meetings, my liturgical rituals, my bible reading, my religious beliefs—if I do not love my neighbor.

Q. What are you plans for the future?

Bo: I’ll continue to preach about God’s love. I’ll continue to teach people to believe in the God that believes in them. I’ll continue to share very practical ways of living the Christian life—in their families, in their jobs… I’ll use media more extensively to share this message. As a community, we will give half of our funds for evangelism and the other half for our work for the poor. Specifically, we will do developmental work for the poorest of the poor, establishing micro-credit and livelihood facilities. We will work with other groups to eradicate world poverty.

Q. Thank you very much. You have inspired us again.

Bo: Thank you too. You gave me great questions.

Friends, I hope you enjoyed this interview as much as I enjoyed answering it.

May your dreams come true,

Bo Sanchez

PS. By the time you read this, I don’t know if there’ll still be available seats. There are always so many people who want to get into my How To Be Truly Rich Seminar, we end up turning people away. (So sorry! We can’t fit all of you in the seminar.) I’m giving again the How To Be Truly Rich Seminar on April 5, 8:30am to 12noon, at Quezon City. By the way, I give this Seminar to companies at P7,000++ per person, but because I want to help more people, I give this Seminar to the public at the subsidized cost of P475 only. (Yes, that’s not a typo.) Bonus: You join the Truly Rich Club. Call up Beckie at Tel. (02) 7229562 right away before you run out of seats (we always do). (Office hours: 9am-5pm, Tuesday to Saturday) Or email her at beaconlightevents@gmail.com Note: At this incredibly low price, we even still give an early bird discount to the first 9 callers. Don’t delay and reserve now!

PS2. Attention: For Serious Students Only! For a select group of people who are very serious about reaching their financial dreams, my own Financial Mentors and I will give 2 days of intensive training that we call the Truly Rich Financial Coaching Program. It will be on April 11 (2pm to 9pm) and 12 (9am to 4pm), 2008. We shall show you how you can invest in mutual funds, stock market, real estate, and your own businesses.

If each of our mentors charged for the time spent coaching you (compared to how much they earn in their own businesses), the Truly Rich Coaching Program would be priced at P95,000.00++! But because of their desire to give back and help others, most of our mentors give their time for free. To get into the coaching program, your investment is only 5% of that figure, or P4,975 only (Please add P1000 for 2 power lunches and 2 snacks). This is a huge steal. (We reserve the right to change this price at anytime.) We highly encourage married couples to attend this program together, so you’ll be of one mind and heart in your path towards financial abundance. Married Couple rate is P7,975 only.

CRAZY 100% Money Back Guarantee + P500!

If at anytime along this Program, you feel you didn’t learn anything to improve your financial life, just tell us—we will return 100% of your tuition fee—no questions asked. That’s how much we believe in the wealth education of our program. In fact, we’re so serious with this offer, we’ll even add P500 more, for your inconvenience and your loss of time in attending this Coaching Program.

PS3. Are you a young person serving God? Attend YOUTHWORKS! Leadership Training Seminar for the Youth (April 5, Saturday, 8am – 5pm). Speakers: Arun Gogna; Obet Cabrillas; George Gabriel, and Jhute Malinao (Fee: P250 only) The youth are our future leaders. This leadership seminar focuses on authentic character building – having a heart for God is what true leadership is all about. The activities will help discover, develop, and deliver the gifts of the young. Techniques to reach out to other young people will also be shared. Empowering the youth always works! For reservations and inquiries, contact Noel Gayas (02) 8239546 or 09154493600 / 09282109765



Shannon

Tags: , ,
Posted in Article Marketing | No Comments »

Are Republicans Thugs?

Sunday, March 9th, 2008
boss jokes
Bob Miller asked:


In order to answer the question, Are Republicans Thugs?, it’ll take coming to grips with the fact that the Republican Party is not the same party one’s grandparents voted for.

To grasp what has taken place, one must understand that from the late 1800s thru the mid-1900s, the Democratic Party was controlled by the unions in the United States. At that time, the US manufactured 90% of the goods Americans used and 30% of those used in other countries; the Democrats ruled through labor. Although there was enough lies and stealing going on to tilt Earth on its axis, the jobs and money stayed in the United States. That made for a very strong country and dollar.

Business owners who weren’t happy with just making a living, in many cases less net income than the union bosses, set out to fight political corruption with political corruption. They started heaping money and favors on Republican politicians who were, for the most part, considered political nerds by the Democrats. While these politicians were by no stretch of the imagination nerds, they were a minority. Gaining a little dignity and getting even was a far stronger pull than doing well for their country, especially since they had no real say in the status quo anyway. With the new money, these Republican voices began to be heard. They were being heard because these business owners did another very smart thing–they cut back or closed down the businesses that the unions were controlling and bought newspapers, radio stations and all other forms of the media and then set out to destroy their arch enemy, the unions. While the cigar-smoking, do-nothing Democrats were telling jokes about the nerds who had actually won a couple of unexpected seats in Congress, the American voters were not laughing; but the American business owners were starting to smirk.

The Republican Party’s rise to power was nothing short of Cinderella or Robin Hood, at least for a brief moment. As the leaves fall in late autumn because of the lack of nutrients, so did the infrastructure and well-being of the United States. It is very easy to see how this corporate leadership has just about destroyed the greatest country in the history of the world in just a few short years. Whereas 90% of the revenues of corporate America stayed at home under union control, and was divided up reasonably equal by those doing the work, the new Republicans and their bosses divided the money using a ¼ split system. Top management took a ¼ from the top regardless of the outcome of their leadership, they sent a ¼ to their political puppets, another ¼ was sent out of the country for cheap labor, and they graciously allowed Americans to divvy up the rest however they saw fit. One might argue that this still left 3/4 of the money in the US, and that would be true. The problem is half of that money was split up between 300,000 instead of 300,000,000. Add to that the fact that a large percentage of this money went into tax free shelters that were then invested in the overseas companies that were getting the jobs once done by Americans, and it’s a triple whammy. Being a Republican, I can’t say for sure if we’re thugs or not; but if we’re not, we’ll do until some thugs come along.



Robert

Tags: , ,
Posted in Politics | No Comments »

How can I approach my boss about too much cleavage at work?

Thursday, March 6th, 2008
boss jokes
wakefullife asked:


I work in an elementary school…yes a good old elementary school. There are lots of women here. It is getting warmer here, and many of the teachers sport sexy cleavage outfits. I am a guy and feel like I would rather think about my wife, than having to say hello to another woman’s cleavage all day. It is not easy for us guys that are trying to have no eyes for other women. I also feel sorry for the young students. Some of the older boys sit there and get mesmerized…I HAVE SEEN THEM DO IT. I hate to break it to these women but it doesn’t seem to fit right with the setting. Maybe they can work at Hooters or a bar or something, but an elementary school? Do they seriously think it is okay?? Jokes aside, what can I do? I will not quit my job so please give me another suggestion!

Don

Tags: , ,
Posted in Other - Family & Relationships | No Comments »

11 Reasons Selling Sucks!

Monday, March 3rd, 2008
boss jokes
Peter Lawless asked:


If you have ever been involved in sales or selling then you may well relate to some of these - and hey please grow the list, I am sure there are a lot more out there that I have not even heard of!

1. Constantly being rejected on the phone especially when the receptionist who is in the middle of doing her nails is pissed off at yet another bloody sales person disturbing her preening routine and who may not actually believe her current line of bullshit about the customer being on a camping holiday with a couple of Eskimos!

2. Winning that big customer sale only to be asked by your boss - “so what are you going to sell today then?”

3. Janet in accounts just told everyone the sperm joke - “what’s the difference between a sperm and a sales person - at least a sperm has a one-in-a-million chance of turning into a human being!”

4. Telling your boss that a sale is in the bag and then your customer goes on the missing list not returning phone calls, emails or any attempt at communication besides kidnapping - and then he doesn’t have his check book!

5. You have spent months creating the ultimate solution, the customer is delighted and on installation day, Fred from the technical department infects their whole system with a virus, instead of installing the software.

6. All customers and prospects being basically bad, unreliable and malevolent people who use all sorts of clever and devious tricks to avoid speaking to you!

7. Your Mum finds out you’re a low down crook of a sales person, she thought you had trained as a lawyer and you could legally cheat, swindle and tell lies.

8. You took a new sales job with great earning potential, sacrificing a great basic salary to find out that the company either doesn’t have a product or the product is so crap, you spend your 3 weeks with the company in the “returns” department.

9. No-one and I mean no-one ever, ever returns your phone calls.

10. Everyone thinks that sales people never listen and you just happen to be the one in a hundred who actually does - yes really you do!

11. Not being appreciated, I mean come on, you in sales because you love the glory, you have a big ego and the commission check just isn’t big enough yet to buy a Porsche so you can show off!

And if you thought that was all the bad news, well there’s more, a couple of guys in Ireland have now launched a sales training course that teaches people how to Stop Selling and what’s more, they only accept people on the course if they complete a qualification questionnaire.

What do you think is the next step now to boost your sales?

And the moral of this article? Customers buy things they want from people they know, like and trust! If you want your customers to like you, and buy from you, then treat them as if they were the most important people in the world. Stop selling and start serving your clients.



Craig

Tags: , ,
Posted in Business | No Comments »

Onion, Garlic and Other People’s Bad Breath

Sunday, March 2nd, 2008
boss jokes
Nat Jay asked:


Remember the last time you chewed a mint gum, and how fresh your mouth felt? Do you remember how long that freshness lasted? A couple hours, maybe — 1-2 hrs max — before you had to pop in another gum? It felt like a subconscious act, reaching for that box of mints and popping in as required. Use as directed.

Now remember the last time you ate an onion bulb or some garlic cloves? A weird thing to remember, but the fact is — Do you remember how long “that” taste (the taste of onions and garlic) lasted in your mouth? Can we say 4-5 hrs based on whether or not they were cooked or raw-n-fresh? Bottomline is, even with mints, mouthwashes and toothpaste, the smell of onions and garlic lasts longer in your mouth than the smell of mint chewed every half-hour or so.

So if we were talking about bad breath here (which we are), if you had enough onions and garlic for lunch, you’d never feel the need to use breath fresheners again.

Bad joke, I admit. And apologize.

So what do you do when it’s not you who’s had more than his/her share of onions and garlic, but someone else you know, like …

- your boss

- you boss’s spouse

- your spouse

- your friendly neighborhood gossip-monger (god forbid)

- your long-lost-but-recently-discovered boyfriend / girlfriend who seems to want something from your wallet.

…and they decide to strike up a conversation with you

…that runs into hours

…on your own front lawn

…on a Sunday morning

…when you’re sunbathing

…or trying to get some hammock-time.

You could use a pepper spray on them, wear a pollution mask, ignore them long enough in the hope that they’ll take the hint and leave, or, you could just put up with them — bad breath and all.

Statistics (and studies) say you’d put up with them. Because you’re a polite human being who’d hate to hurt anybody’s feelings. Imagine how many of us actually put up with other people’s indiscretions (especially bad breath) — in overcrowded buses, streets, offices, malls, elevators, parties, meetings, and more — just so we’d be considered polite and non-fussy.

I’d suggest carrying a bottle of breath freshener at all times. That way, if we (the sufferers of other people’s bad breath) feel the stink-attack making us dizzy and nauseous, we’d be at liberty to spray just a teeny-tiny litle squirt into that offending mouth. Just tell them ‘This hurts me more than it hurts does.’ — And it does.

That should put an end to most empty conversations, bad breath and all.



Jill

Tags: , ,
Posted in Diseases And Conditions | No Comments »