Posts Tagged ‘Joke’

What problems did the dumb gangster have when the the boss told him to blow up a car?

Thursday, April 30th, 2009
mouse b asked:


It has 15 letters in this joke.
I mean it has 31 letter with “He” starting the off sentence and “the” being the 18th 19th and 20th

Terri

I lost my virginity to my married boss and I can’t break it off because I’ve stupidly fallen for him. Christ

Saturday, March 21st, 2009
Bella asked:


Here’s the thing, it happened about a year ago when he offered me $1000 for sex, which I thought was a weird joke that I turned down. But the tension was undeniable and I was eventually talked into it.

I bullshitted and said I had sex with two different people before but that was a lie that he eventually found out about. We had sex anyway, despite his protests during a momentary freak out about his wife.

Apparently he had waited until I turned 18 before he asked (he is 41) and he said that he only hired me because he wanted to fuck me. Strangely, I don’t feel bad about giving my virginity to my boss and not any of my ex-boyfriends.

I’m not trying to justify my actions but this has been going on for about 6 months and I CAN’T stop thinking about him and the next time we fuck. I don’t want to, but I have fallen for him. I think the best thing to do is to end it but I don’t know how. And should I break it off, I know that I’ll miss him and be completely heartbroken. Please help!
First of all, thank you for all the comments so far. I don’t think I was specific so here are some more details:

1) He never said that he loved me, we never ever discussed the possibility of being a couple or him leaving his wife and I explicitly told him that I would never fall for him. Which is why it’s so pathetic that I’m infatuated.

2) I never took the money for the sex. By then I had some feelings for him and I wanted to sleep with him; free of charge.

3) I’ve been told I’m an attractive person and there is no problems when it comes to hooking up at bars and clubs, but lately I just can’t bring myself to even think about anyone else but him. The shit thing is that if if did find someone else it would distract me from this whole situation. Catch-fucking-22

4) Finally, I have just admitted to myself that I was in denial about this for awhile. When it first started, I thought I could handle it but now I feel so suffocated by the hopelessness of my feelings for him. Shit
Also, we have sex about twice a week and it’s like I only live for those few hours. It’s impacting on my life big time and I KNOW I should end it but it would cause me so much emotional distress I don’t think I can face it. I’m such a coward.

It’s like a drug addiction, I swear. Ask any of my friends and they will tell you I am the most grounded person in situations and almost nothing phases me but I’ve cried for hours over this guy.

The worst thing is I can’t tell anyone about it, not my friends, my family or even him. I feel so goddamn alone.

Sorry this question turned into an epic essay type thing, but I’m trying to distract myself. It’s not working.

Marcia

My boss has a crush on my colleague and she use that for her advantage?

Sunday, March 8th, 2009
Vincentina asked:


She is the most junior one in the team. She works for me and my boss. Since we are almost the same age and I have a higher position, she show obviously that she does not like it. It is like a movie. When she is with boss, she behaves very pretty. When she has to interact with me alone, she always give me a bad facial expression. She came to work almost 11:00am everyday. She made a lot of error about work. My boss always find an excuse for her. I made a lot more money than her pulse my other colleagues know this. So, I don’t feel that bad. However, because of that plus my boss is not a smart person, other teams treat our team like a joke. I feel really bad about this. Any recommendation?

Leon

Tell me a joke?

Saturday, February 14th, 2009
amy♥baby asked:


I’m bored out of my mind at work and can’t keep typing answers or my boss will know I’m up to something. Tell me a joke or something interesting to keep me entertained please?!
These are great! Keep em coming!

Ryan

my boss and I?

Friday, January 9th, 2009
Ade asked:


I have problem, well my boss during of his presentation or speach look at me almost all the time. Every time, when he finishing his thought he look at me. So, my working colleague have a joke like oh you are so attractive to our boss and shit like that. So, am realy?

Charlie

Is Flirting with your boss wrong or harmfull ?

Tuesday, January 6th, 2009
Confused asked:


Ok, I will try to make this short … Me and my new boss of a few months… Get along, smile, joke, touch finger tips, and work toguether, chit chat, discuss business, exhange looks, wink at each other, laugh, together etc … so much, so often and so well that I fear for our lives… my colleague who is usualy nosy towards everything anyways is allways saying things like … “I wish I had time to chat”, “dont you guys have work to do”… “too much noise and fun” …”get back to work” Work towards me , him or us… IS this Wrong or anywhow harmfull? I dont recall coming accross any policies against flirting … “however, I do know that one of top management is against hiring family members …at the same time … well, he is married …. I am single … which well might make me look bad but we both do it to each other … takes 2 to tango. What do you think?
So that everyone knows … This started very gradually and I did not even found him attractive or interesting when
he first started to work there… it happened very slowly and gradually

Douglas

Be Borat or be Boring

Thursday, September 4th, 2008
boss jokes
Dan Goldgeier asked:


I once had a client who made exurban starter houses. Our audience was first-time homebuyers, people who’ve saved and budgeted and are ready to make an investment. When an ad I wrote referenced the term “401(k),” our client said, “A lot of our customers are truck drivers and schoolteachers. Schoolteachers don’t know what a 401(k) is.” Coming from a family of teachers who’ve built up some nice pensions, I most assuredly knew our client was mistaken about the savvy of her customers, whether they had a 401(k) or not.

I was reminded of this as I went to see “Borat,” as I’m sure many of you have. Among others, the film makes fun of Kazahks, Uzbeks, Gypsies, Jews, feminists, homosexuals, Pentacostals, and drunk frat boys from South Carolina. I’m quite aware that people don’t see the humor in that, which is fine. It’s not a movie for everybody.

But there are deeper controversies surrounding the movie. Before “Borat” even hit the theaters: The Anti-Defamation League released a statement which said: “We are concerned, however, that one serious pitfall is that the audience may not always be sophisticated enough to get the joke, and that some may even find it reinforcing their bigotry.”

In other words, while people at the ADL think they’re smart enough to get the joke themselves, it’s the rest of the population that’s stupid–they’ll walk out of “Borat” thinking Khazakstani cheese is made from human breast milk and they’ll be eager to sponsor their own “Running of the Jews.” (For heaven’s sake, don’t ever take them to see “The Producers” or “Blazing Saddles.”)

It’s this same sense of “concern” expressed for “Borat” moviegoers that we’ve seen time and time in again in advertising: Clients who demand ads to be dumbed down so no harm is done if the ads are interpreted literally.

“Don’t complete the circle for them,” I often heard in ad school. “Consumers like to complete it for themselves.” Advertising, like music, movies, or any other creative endeavor, is often subject to interpretation. To me, the Mona Lisa is just a painting of a chick with a smirk. But other people have spent their lives figuring out what she’s thinking about. (Oh, and if you think I’m comparing the ad on your desk to the Mona Lisa…keep dreaming.)

 This isn’t about being edgy or risky or taking big creative chances. It’s about giving people the satisfaction of drawing their own conclusions. It means that people will actually take the time to think about something if their curiosity is piqued. Tell them something in a straightforward manner and they’ll hear it, to be sure, but they won’t think about it ever again.

Many successful ad campaigns have an element of exaggeration, tension or dissonance—not to be taken literally. On the ‘80’s TV show “Night Court,” when Mac, the court clerk found out his Vietnamese-born wife Quon Lee was running up a huge credit card bill. He asks her how that happened, and she holds up an American Express card. “Don’t leave home without it!” she says. “I thought it was a law.” Now, imagine if that campaign had been killed by a moronic Marketing Manager who thought consumers would think there were legal consequences for leaving home without an AMEX card.

Frankly, any ad professional or client who makes decisions based upon some version of the notion that “people are stupid” or “our audience won’t understand that” are themselves the stupid and ignorant ones. The smug self-righteousness of the ad industry is only one of the reasons much of the work we turn out is so bad—we’re not nearly as sophisticated as we think we are. And consumers are often able to see an ad or an idea and understand that creativity means not taking it literally.

 There’s always the safe route. The ad or idea that clients know they can sell to their bosses because it’s been done before and it’s non-threatening. So long as dollars and jobs are at stake, anything open to interpretation is a risk many clients won’t take, and many agencies won’t advocate.

And the safe route isn’t limited to advertising. You could tell that right from “Borat’s” opening weekend at the box office. It was #1. “Santa Clause 3” was a distant #2.

I’ll interpret that as a good sign.

 



Brandon

Does my boss like me more than just an employee?

Tuesday, July 22nd, 2008
boss jokes
tigerlilly asked:


My boss always seems to joke around with me and touch me( not anywhere inappropriate) all the time.But he doesn’t do it with any of the other employees. Does he want something more than just a professional relationship or am I just reading too much into it? If so what should I do? It wouldn’t make me uncomfortable or anything and don’t worry I am over the age of eighteen. I just don’t know what to do if he does want something more.

Ramon

Lost in Translation: the Chinese English Translator

Thursday, July 10th, 2008
boss jokes
Maggi Carstairs asked:


So, you are visiting China!!!! You will need to learn some Translator Etiquette if you are planning to have your words translated for your Chinese Hosts to understand, and their words too.

Here are some of the things I learnt in China, from Translators who work as Translators translating Chinese into English.

You can see some of their published Public efforts on “Lost with Translation” Forum at ActiveEnglishSpeaking…AES



Don’t crack a joke. Its taken seriously and you end up with an hurt person who feels they have lost face because you laughed. eg ‘Oh!!! You really are being silly…’ is taken to mean, ‘you are silly’

Don’t try to correct their English. Because they translated it, it has to be correct.

Don’t try and explain a joke. You get into more hot water than its worth, and they do not think its funny.

Don’t correct ‘bad english’ as they do not see the inaccuracies and think you are weird, or even crazy, or that you don’t really know the language you were born to.

Don’t expect thanks if you do correct something they have asked you to proofread. They only ask you to proofread so they can show you how clever they are to have translated all this by themselves.

You are expected to say, ‘very good’ and ‘well done’ and nod your head many times. They do NOT want your proof corrections, and will not even acknowledge them if you do correct it because you cannot handle obvious errors.

If you see an error in a Newspaper or Magazine, and point it out, they will take it personally as a slur on their translating ability.

They will not understand the error and feel slighted because you have pointed it out.

They get very upset if shown an error in translation…anywhere. Even on a Road sign or shop front, and they will never understand what is funny about a hairdresser called “Fkt-it Hare”. They take engrish errors personally.

They get even more upset after you explain the error as you have now caused them to lose face because they still do not understand what you are talking about, and they never will, even when they say they do, because they can’t.

Do not correct a translator in front of her Boss or peers, as they do not understand her English anyway and think she is good because she speaks words they do not understand…and neither do you, because the words are wrong and don’t make sense.

Never try and explain your mistake to a translator for her to translate to your Boss. The message is always opposite to what you said, and you have no idea what has been said, and believe me, it will not be in your favor. I asked her to tell my male boss next time to send the wine to my room, instead of presenting it to me at the Table, and he was there the next night with wine and a big smile. I still wonder what she told him but it wasn’t what I said.

Do not ask a translator to translate something that has multiple or compound sentences and expect it to read correctly.

Never laugh at a meaning, especially if you know its right out of a Chinese Dictionary and is totally wrong….like the word ‘founded’…Who founded the Company? Grin!!! How was the account lost?

Never argue with a Translator. If she says Strawberries are cherries, you should simply nod and smile. Correcting only causes her to lose face, as the others around her don’t understand ‘Strawberry’ or ‘Cherry’ so what they heck!!! She knows Engrish….If she says its a cherry, its a cherry. Correcting her when she insists she is right, is a serious mistake and a total loss of face.

Always smile….it covers your confusion and distress.

Don’t ask her to translate the menu…she has no idea what the fish is called in English, nor the Engrish word for broadbeans cooked with salted pigs ears and feet. Insisting she must know is very bad. Just nod your head and eat what she chooses…even if you hate tomatoes and egg, raw sliced potato or seaweed soup…which seem to be the translators specials. And wines…forget that. Pick a number and order it, or drink hot green tea and hot orange juice.

Don’t ask her the price of an item. She really does not know how to calculate your share of the Account. Its better to simply pay, rather than cause her to lose face at being given a task she cannot handle, which is work out the bill and tell you what cost what.

When she has done something wrong, give her another task, and never point out that this was wrong. eg when page 32 was copied instead of 34 and 35, and done 24 times instead of 12, pointing this out is not acceptable. Shut up and give the task again, and say thankyou for the first mess up and circle-file it discreetly.

Be patient. Learn to say something six times in varying degrees of speed and ease until the message is smilingly understood. Never imply that she is not as competent as she is thought to be by those above her, or those who have hired her, and  who don’t have any Engrish and never will.

When she gets offended by your lack of tact, remember to smile becomingly and revise everything you said, until all around know that you are the Clot, and she is the sensitive word perfect translator who is being  pushed to extreme stress, because of you…the foreign devil who lacks charm and finesse

Last but not least, don’t throw the English Dictionary at her and tell her to read it. The Chinese Dictionary gets used tactfully when no-one is watching, and thats where she gets the wrong translations from. She will not listen to what you are trying to tell her about the meanings of words, so Give up and work it out yourself.

Don’t expect her to be even slightly sympathetic or empathetic or even understanding. You are the Foreign Devil and she is the Chinese martyr having to work under you and work out your words best as she can. Any mistake is yours, as you said it. She simply translated your words.

Telling her to speak slowly is a waste of time. She has learnt that fluent Engrish is spoken fast, and as no-one else understands it either, she is having great face by her fast speed of communication. So what if you don’t understand, and as no-one else can understand her words, and expressions, picked up from movies and bad CD taped programs, they are still expected to be impressed by her speaking skills, and so are you.

Smileeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! Its your safe guard. the moment you stop smiling, you are out of favor…as then she knows you are not happy with her, and that is bad Joss and even worse Karma.



Marguerite Carstairs June 2008



Yolanda

April Fool’s Day is right around the corner. What is the best April Fool’s Day joke to play on my boss?

Monday, June 30th, 2008
boss jokes
nsure_u asked:


I don’t want to get fired, so make it harmless.

Clinton